Transparency Blog Continued

 Let's consider the idea that everyone has a public and a private life, and Thank Heavens for that! Think about the various activities in your life:

  • where you go
  • what you do.
  • who you see & talk to
  • and all the things you buy

Whose business is it?  That's a serious question, isn't it? Many--maybe most--of our daily activities are either too boring to share with other people, or too personal. If that's the case then what is transparency? There are four categories of Transparency:

First Category of Transparency

The first category of Transparency is HONESTY. WE owe it to ourself and our Core Values to be honest in all our dealings.. Just tell the truth and practice Integrity. If there is something in your past that is embarrassing or that doesn't match your current life, don't lie about it. You get to choose who you tell. Is that revelatory? You are allowed to decide what is revealed in the public sphere of  your life and what is behind the wall, in your private life. You get to decide what is public knowledge and what is private. It's called having boundaries, and you get to draw them..

What are the typical private areas? Choose any items in your past that you don't feel are congruent with your present circumstances. Perhaps your education doesn't match your job, or you used to hang out with violent people, whether it's through no fault of your own, or you were simply a different person? There could be any number of things you don't want people --the general public--to know about your past. You might want to keep your health private. It's totally up to you!

Before the thought of all this public/private talk makes you anxious let me make a suggestion. Use one of the Seven Steps and REMEMBER some of the stories in your mind that come from your childhood or the time period you're thinking about in your past life, Focus on something light and even fun or funny. Isolate it and think of it as a story. My example is when I was a young girl and my Dad took me sailing. I could tell that story in different ways to fit into a public conversation without getting into any embarrassing details, and it would allow others to get to know me in an intimate way.. Each of us has stories like that from different times in our lives.

The Third Category of Transparency

To be a transparent person means your path makes sense. Wherever or whenever you are on your path, it's not a solitary point. They say nature abhors a vacuum, and so does society. If our path doesn't make sense the way we introduce ourself to others, then we will appear suspicious or maybe stupid, We lived, loved, and laughed along the way as the cliche goes, and the way you tell your story to others helps determine where you live, laugh and love in the next phases of your life and how you get to your Imagined Future. Your Past Path needs to match reality and needs to be consistent. You can't tell one story to some people and a different story to other people. Some of the people you know will be privy to more information about you than others, but the story still needs to be consistent.

For instance, let's say you have a visible scar. How will you explain it when people ask you--and they will? It's something to consider. You are not required to tell the whole or complete story, and you need to be ready. It's ok to say something like: "It's a long involved story, but it has to do with a shark attack!"  No, just kidding!  Tell the truth, but you don't have to tell the whole story. It's ok to just say, "It comes from an injury," and leave it at that. You can tell more If you want. If you don't act self-conscious, others will accept what you say. Part of Authenticity is Confidence! 

The 4th (& Last) Category 

The 4th category of Transparency is knowing who fits in which set of boundaries (public or private), and to take responsibility for the information you make available. If you gossip about yourself, then its your problem! Gossip is not about transparency. BE careful what you share in from of people who won't respect your privacy, but also don't be secretive. What do I mean by that?

You might be surprised when you think about it (and this is worth considering) how much of our life and times is worth sharing with the world. Tell it like a story with a beginning, a middle, and an end, For example, like I shared above, if you can tell about an episode in your child that explains some part of the bigger picture in your current life, it's probably worth sharing. Or you might talk about experiences during your education, or fumy escapades growing up. All these examples are ways we share ourselves with others transparently, filling in the gaps in our lives..

This kind of openness strengthens the ties that bin u to others, and I think that's the point. Part of a relationship is a measure of transparency tat the ratio depends on the depth of the relationship. As real, live, human beings we typically have very few relationships in our lives that we develop the trust that goes with full transparency

Wrapping it up

That movie I mentioned at the beginning? The premise had nothing to do with authenticity, nor any kind of True Transparency. And . . . we have no right to choose the privacy for others Don't let yourself be fooled by false authenticity claims parading as truth! Sharing everything about yourself indiscriminately is NOT transparency. Spilling your guts is just like it sounds. It's like barfing in the middle of a fancy dinner!

Transparency is being open in appropriate ways by knowing your boundaries Being honest is important when you share, and being consistent with the stories about our life so everyone who knows you know the same person even if some people know more about you than others. Ultimately, your Authentic Self gets to choose. .